Before I really get down to business with a few posts tonight, I wanted to write to the ladies (and hey, gents too!) who are single, and not really digging it.
"I can't find a good man"
"I can't find a legit, good girl"
"I meet douchebags"
"Bitches be crazy"
"I hate men"
"Fuckin cunts"
"We slept together, and now he's acting shady"
"I banged her, and she stopped calling"
"He said he really liked me though"
"She acts one way with me, and another way when we're around other people"
"He only texts me when he's wasted"
"She said we're better off as friends"
"He said I'm like one of the guys"
"He said he just wants something to have fun with"
"She said she's too busy, and doesn't want to date anyone right now, but is sleeping with him"
"Went back to the ex"
Ya see...girls, guys, men, women, they all go through the same mumbo jumbo when single, yet lonely.
If you are single and content with being single, and like your alone time... you don't need anything, or want anything. You are open to letting potential love come into your life, but you aren't bum rushing the community looking for love!
It breaks my heart when I hear my friends, girls and guys, come to me and tell me that they are lonely, or sad. It tears me up that some of the most amazing and beautiful people I know start doubting their looks and personality because they haven't found a decent human being that treats them like gold yet.
To you people, you KNOW who you are...here is someone giving you the real deal honest truth.
When you are lonely, look in the mirror. If you look at yourself and pick yourself apart, and beat yourself up...CHANGE IT. What man or woman would want to be with someone who is down on themselves? Odds are, you are probably fucking gorgeous, or handsome, but some idiot from your past broke you down leaving you open to insecurity...change it. Start believing you are worth meeting someone great. Start knowing that in this world there is always someone out there who when asked "what do you look for in a girl?", describes YOU. "What do you look for in a man?"...guess what, some beautiful girl out there is sitting at dinner with her friend and friend's fiancee describing the man YOU are, wishing she could be a lucky girl out with her man.
It is true.
How many gorgeous tattooed, pierced girls, who love art, and work hard...beat themselves up? I know I did, and a lot of girls I know do. We think, ugh, where are all the sexy, tattooed men? Where are all the hard workers? Then we settle for the first thing that comes along that finds us exciting, even if its not our type. How many times have you been called a fantasy girl? I know I have. I have met suave, tattoo-free, business men who are smitten by me because I am "different"...they lay on the charm...make you feel so unique...well, once desk jockey has a taste of the wild side, they come to terms that they would never walk you down a punk rock wedding aisle or introduce you to their family without a cardigan covering your tattoos..and just like that, game over. But, 100% of the time, you weren't looking for that type of guy, but we become so vulnerable in a state of loneliness that sometimes we settle, even while truly knowing nothing will come of it.
Or what about dainty little homebody girls...who are looking for Mr. Desk Jockey...who want someone special, but want live on the edge a little bit...Daddy is Reverend and has been married to mommy forever, and she's never touched a drug or gotten shit tanked wasted, or rode the back of a street bike...so instead of finding her real definition of Mr. Right, because it might take some effort she'll fall for a badass rocker who can't find his rockstar princess. And in due time this girl will pick the boy apart, she will judge, she will find things stupid, she will try to dress him, she will try to control him...and then she will probably leave him. Then, the boy will have issues...see the cycle?
How about the sweet innocent good guys who fall for the "hott" girl. You know, the girl that doesn't ever have a boyfriend. The girl who spends time with you and says sweet things to you, and calls you and texts you, but doesn't ever make any moves. Then one day you finally confess your feelings for her and she puts you in the friend zone, yet never had a problem accepting your compliments, or telling you how wonderful you are...Yep.
What happens when you are Mr. Desk Jockey, using the tattooed girl.
What happens when you are the rocker that settles for a less than awesome cookie cutter broad...
Or when you are that girl and you are using Mr. Tattoos for a thrill...
What happens when you feel the heartache of falling for a friend that you were sure felt the same way.
What happens when you are the friend that knew someone was falling for you, but you let it escalate and hurt them?
...What happens when you are so over being lonely that you attach to the first thing that shows you happiness again...but the happiness fades. What do you do when you are finally in a relationship again, but you know that something is off, that the truth is not always clear...or you KNOW in your heart of hearts that this person is NOT the one...do you stay because you like the feeling of being in a relationship EVEN if it compromises your self respect and your heart? No. You don't. You don't ever stay with someone or spend time with someone who makes you feel like in some way, shape, or form that you aren't good enough. Ever.
Which brings me back to being SINGLE and OKAY with it.
When you can finally appreciate yourself enough to the point where you can sit at home alone with yourself, and say hey, I am a good person. I am a catch. I am alone today, because I am not going to settle with mediocre...I am great enough that I deserve to wait until I meet someone who knows how good I am. I am going to stay single until I meet someone that I want to make smile and laugh and feel good because THEY deserve it. SETTLE, needs to escape your mind...because that is when our emotions get the best of us and we make a quick-paced rash decision, that ends in negativity and regret.
I stopped believing in love for a long time, and the day I discovered that love does exist, and it is the most beautiful thing in the world...was the day I realized I finally loved myself.
It took me 22 years. It took 8 years of complete assholes in my life, months upon months of me being an asshole, addiction, pain, mistakes, success, hard work, struggles, debt, family, friends, abuse, heartbreak, love, loss, relationships, fights, graduations, careers, promotions, failures, sex, booze, drugs, tears, smiles, etc....22 years to look in the mirror for the first time and KNOW that I was a fucking phenomenal woman. To KNOW that any man would truly be lucky if I fell in love with him, because there is no more powerful human in this world, than a human who believes in them self. You truly can not love someone whole-heartedly without truly loving who you are. If you do not love yourself than your new years resolution should be just that. You need to mold your single self into a person that you yourself would want to be with. If you aren't happy with yourself, how can a man or woman be?
I wrote this blog to show you that loneliness happens...but life isn't so lonely if you stop looking for answers out there in the world that you can only find within yourself. I bet a million dollar that the person reading my blog out loud, who is single, is beautiful. I bet you are a great looking human. But I also bet there is someone in your life who crushed you at one point. I bet you don't trust easy...I bet you miss having someone hold your hand. Or you are tired of being a third wheel...Or you are tired of the bar scene...Or tired of thinking about your ex when you are lonely even though they prob didn't even treat you good. I bet you are "talking" to people who don't exactly meet your "type" criteria...I bet you gave up even having a type because you thought hey there are slim pickins out there, I'll be lucky with anything!..FAIL...
Embrace being single for now. Love yourself today. Respect yourself. Believe in yourself. And when you do, you can kiss single life good bye....because THAT is when the lucky boy or girl is going to unexpectedly waltz into your life...and sweep you off your feet, because you deserve it...
When in doubt, get out. Never settle. Know your worth. Live, Love, Learn baby!
P.S. Life would be easier if tattooed girl met tattooed boy, if homebody broad met Mr. Deck Jockey and if girl friend stopped being a dumbass and let good guy love her...she'd prob be surprised.
Love you all. The end.
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