Today is 1/1/11
First day, of the first month, of a new year. A majority of individuals in the world mark today as the first day of the rest of their lives, making some huge change or setting an ambitious goal that they want to achieve in this brand new year.
Well, I want to drop 20 lbs, and I will. I want to be successful, I will. I want my hair to grow long again, I will (I mean unless I have a WOOPS Britney Spears anxiety attack again and chop it all off, however, thank god I am a talented biatch with a pair of hair-cutting shears). These are all things I want, and I am a positivity junkie, therefore, if I want something bad enough, I will stay positive and optimistic. I will actually make the moves to get those things, not just plan for it to and wait for a shitstorm of luck to breeze past me and drop all my hopes and dreams into my lazy lap and live happily ever after. Not realistic. MAKE MOVES, NOT PLANS. My quote, and it's a matter of time before those words are etched into my flesh constantly reminding me that if ya want change, ya gotta change. If you need something, then you're gonna go do what you can to get it, to never take time or other people for granted bc time is limited, and people are not going to be there forever, so why screw up the two?
Some people say this is the year of the economy, that its going to rise back up and peace will be restored to the suffering human beings across the nation. Some people say this is the year of new love, that peace will be restored to the other suffering human beings across the nation. I say, this is the year of YOU. (i.e. the year of ME)
This should be the year you stop living a life of mediocrity. A year where you stop living for others, and start living for you. Where you stop just surviving, and start living.
Why wouldn't you sculpt yourself into the person you've always aspired to be, if the tools are just baby steps away? It bothers me when people make excuses for why they aren't doing what they love, or loving who they want. Because there is ALWAYS a way. Sometimes, due to circumstances beyond our control we run into mild speed bumps down the road to who we want to be, but that never means you should pull over to the side and wait for mother nature to erode the streets making the bumps go away, or waiting for newer, easier roads to be paved...You need to truck the fuck on and take action of your life.
My career has always been my core, my work ethic is astounding and I take pride in that. I have taken the steps I need to further and enhance my career, hell I moved 18 hours away to do it.
My personality is stellar in my eyes, because I am real. I am honest, I am caring, I am devoted to those around me and the tasks that I accept. I will always be different and true to myself, so my personality needs no vamping this year.
Which brings me to what did need a little makeover...my choice of men.
As I've stated before, I'd PICK the men I wanted in my life. I wanted the men that were emotionally unavailable, man whores, dudes that did NOT want commitment. I did this because there was no awkward expectation...there was no clinging...and most importantly...if I knew there was no hope for a future, I knew there was no chance of being hurt...this always backfired in my face...one of two things would happen...the tough guy would start to actually care about me, and I would run like a bat out of hell...or I would have my fun and be done with it before even a glimmer of drama or complication would come out of it. On to the next one.
One of my guy friends said to me a few months ago, "I wish I was heartless, then I could just not give a fuck about girls, and I could fuck around and never get hurt"...considering almost all my friends know that I became numb to love, relationships, sex, etc...this bothered me.
I told him that it is the loneliest life being heartless. That I have more pain inside of me by not letting people in, than getting hurt a few times. Do you know how lonely it is laying next to someone who thinks you're so special, but all you can think is "please, get out of my bed...I don't want to cuddle. I don't want to talk...You're just not what I am looking for"...or how lonely it is watching amazing men you've completely brushed off because they really liked you and WERENT a p.o.s., be happy with someone else, and wondering, well, what's wrong with me that I couldn't let them make me happy.
I could sit and get mushy gushy, but the real fact of the matter is, I LOVE who I am. It took a long time to get here. And after all I have been through the past decade, I deserve to be with someone just as badass as me...and in hindsight, none of the men, good guys, bad guys, woops guys, were who I want to end up with, so clearly, there is no reason to dwell. Everything happens for a reason, and I believe everything in my life was placed in front of me to mold me into the exact woman I am today.
I now make people beautiful day in and day out, I get people buzzing at my bar and listen to their day and give advice, my ass is in shape and I work hard for what I have, and, best of all, I have the stories, experiences, advice, comedy, and straight up pizazz *oh yeah, totally said pizazz*, for all of you readers right now.
So prepare for detailed stories that will make you piss your pants laughing, or cringe in sheer disbelief....<3 Happy new year...
This is YOUR year :)
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