I remember opening my eyes, filled with tears. Unable to move. Pain excruciating. I had just been catheterized, which makes you want to slit your wrists in its own...having a tube shoved in your bleep so that you no longer need to exert effort to urinate...sexy right...I was lifted from table to table for xrays while my hip was out of it's socket, pelvis fractured...blood covering my face and arms...I still had nightmares of the blood and my screams.
My pants had been cut off of me...and please, I don't typically wear draws so they were a no go too...my blood shirt soaked (my favorite black sweater, stretched ever so perfectly to hang off my shoulder) was cut off and discarded...
My head had been split in two spots...receiving stitches...what an awful night...
And now here I am. Unable to move...Awaiting the anesthesia so they could pop my hip back into place while I was under...
I looked up into the most handsome doctor's eyes...as tears began rolling down my cheeks...
He smiled at me...took my hand...and I will never forget what he said to me.
"Nicole, we are gonna do a rectal exam now."
Suddenly the mind numbing pain coursing through my body vaporized for a moment as I said, with the smallest mousy voice...."FROM YOU!? What, my butt? No. No. Why? No. Please."
"If you'd feel more comfortable we can have our female nurse do it."
Me: "I'd feel more comfortable if no one was doing things to my butt, but sure..."
The female nurse came over, snapped her glove on, and gave me a sympathy look...
Me: "You know this means we are going to be best friends right?" I said with the softest most depressing voice...she bursted out laughing.
Meanwhile there was no curtain covering the booty show and there were 6 other doctors awaiting my hip toss.
Me: "Hey my dude, can we close the curtain? Until I'm knocked out I have some sense of dignity...shit"
They giggled.
The nurse said take a breath and quickly went for the gold...
Me: "WRONG ENTRANCE!!!!"
Mortified that she had just tried giving me a pap test, she got a new glove, defiled my ass...and it was done.
Talk about someone remaining positive under the worst situations...I kept thinking, stay positive. Try to think good things...I mean it was hard after having my genitals mauled by an entire trauma ward...but still.
Next the curtain opened...revealing the 7 doctors around me...ready to knock me out and fix my busted hip...I remember counting over and over bc I was trying to keep my mind off the pain.
I looked at them all, and said I needed to make an announcement.
Me: "Hi everyone. I'm Nikki. I wasn't planning on almost dying tonight and having a sleepover here...and I haven't really shaved my legs in a while...and well...you have all seen my kooka now...and you there (pointing to nurse) have now done things with my butt...so I just wanna say...I am happy we are all friends now...and I'm sorry you have to touch my legs...best friends forever..."
I then looked at the doctor and said...Okay Im ready...
I woke up...still in the trauma unit...feeling like absolute death. My pillow was still saturated in blood. I could still see the images and hear the screams in my head...
Then i lifted my fingers in front of my face...and realized...none of my nails broke in my accident...sighed with relief...and passed out.
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