6. DO NOT, and I mean, in real talk here, EVER, when a woman is performing fellatio (ya don't know what it is? then ya prob don't catch many beejs...*don't know what a beej is? then you probably have never seen a tit before...*) PUSH her head down. Ever. And all yall biddies know what I am referring to. I don't care if you are catching a blow jay from Sasha Grey herself, NO woman wants you to forcefully push her head down on your dick. Sorry. AND, survey says, that when this has happened, it's normally a dude with an exceptionally small weiner and an unflattering ego that does NOT overcompensate for what little blueberries are growing in his patch. The end.
P.S. I am putting this out there, that if ever in this instance a male does this to me, I am going to bite your dick off and spit it in the person who raised you's face and thank them for bringing up such a dapper young man. Fucking scumtards.
7. Shave between your buttcheeks. It is uncessary because I don't want to put anything near your asshole. And if that day comes that I DO want to play with your ass, I'm sure I'm probably a bottle of tequila deep and ass hair will be the least of my concerns...And if you do do this, I don't want to baby powder your ass bc of your unbearable painful stubble for a week...jesus.
8. Get so intoxicated that your dick stops working. i.e. Whiskey dick. ...It's never cute...and while apologizing for lack of performance they are normally breathing budweiser and cig stench over top of you...fail fail...If ya wanna get laid...monitor your alcohol. Please.
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