As if being alone on Thanksgiving and working through Christmas wasn't bad enough, let's throw in a holiday at the tail end of the year celebrating change and transition into a newer, healthier, and hopefully happy year, by putting a SHIT TON of emphasis on a new year's eve kiss.
As I recollect my past few years on this annual occasion, I find a deep inconsistency...2005 into 2006 I spent with my ex and our friends while in highschool. Drunk, belligerent, ya know, that good good kinda evening. 2006 into 2007 I ate my first half a zanex, drank mass amounts of miller lite, jager, and champagne and spent the latter half of the evening either vomitting blood in a sink while Jen held my hair back, or singing Eve's Love is Blind rap on the toilet while urinating with the water running (shy bladder) with mascara blackened tears streaming down my face accompanied by a priceless smile. 2007 into 2008 I blew an entire gram of coke up my nose, marking my new years resolution to stop doing drugs, drank about a bottle of stoli raz, kissed my ultimate enemy at midnight... (a big tall dumb bitch who I almost curb stomped at least once a week for two years after to come)...blacked out, and woke up next to Tracy Carbone (not a fail.) 2008 into 2009 was spent singing rockband with my entire CT family shwasted off of ultimate margaritas and teaching my cousins the stanky leg...2009 into 2010 was spent working, then going to my ex bfs house (also my apartment...we had split a month prior)...getting ready in front of him before we went separate ways...I figured I was going to be wearing a serious booby shirt that needed tape to keep my little twins in, and if he saw how great I looked he'd clearly want me back...yes well, I caught a ride back to his apartment around 1:15 am...spent the night with him having filthy drunken new years relations, and we got back together...odd....and now tonight...2010 is a wrap...and I have no solid plans except to eat dinner with friends.
To be honest, as much as a grade school makeout sesh would be mildly appropriate tonight, I don't want some dirt mcgirt random joe shmo to touch me tonight...I'd much rather pee at midnight, or sneeze at midnight ensuring no one comes near me (and everyone knows i have OCD and DONT sneeze in public)..or id rather kiss a fat lonely dude on the cheek at midnight, or just throw back a shot of patron!
I think New Years Eve kisses are rad and shit, but that person becomes the first thing of 2011...that memory is your first experience in a BRAND NEW YEAR!
What if I find a boy and kiss him, and he tongue rapes my mouth...or a guy who skips the lips and goes straight for a saliva homerun? What if he has bad breath? What if he has gingivitis?! What if his gum gets caught on my gum? What if he has herpes!?!??
Do I REALLY want herpes at midnight!?
All signs point to hell no.
The fact of the matter is, and the moral of this story is...
Tonight, if you are single, or kissless...fucking embrace it. This just means that you are so badass, that you don't NEED a kiss like a whiney little oh woe is me bitch...Celebrate that you are going into 2011 independent and ready to take on the world...that you are strong enough ALONE to start a new year...and if you are lonely, than this a night to transition into a more positive mental attitude, preparing your head, heart, and soul for a new year that cannot be broken...This is a time to say goodnight to the past, and happy new year to your future. YOU decide what comes in 2011, 2011 doesn't...and shit, enjoy it, we might all burst into flames next year anyway.
So tonight, if you're kissin', then kiss on babies! And happy new year!
And if you're not, then props, it isnt a bad thing.
P.S. I talk a big game but I'll prob end up makin out with a fat chick <3 happy new years!
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